My first revision task is to improve my narrative by changing or removing some of the descriptive elements and adding new descriptions. Adding some metaphors or similes could help the imagery that I provide to the reader. I think I can improve some of my sentence structure in this section as well, as some sentences are choppy or awkward and don’t flow well. This section also seems somewhat disorganized and might need a clearer focus or story. I should try to use strong verbs and sensory details whenever appropriate and also make sure my verb tenses are consistent.
The next task is to improve the examination of my artifacts and the theories we’ve explored in class. I should try to flesh out and clarify some of the ideas I have presented. I need to work on developing my overarching claim and tying in and connecting my artifacts to that claim. I also need to make sure that my support from sources such as Dewey and Friere make sense. I think I should try to incorporate Cronon’s article into these discussions as well. I need to address the question of how my artifacts and experiences influenced my education. This might involve discussing my personal feelings about my report card, my standardized test results, my high school, and my teacher, Mr. Kearney. A small detail is that I would like to possibly incorporate my artifacts into the body of the essay rather than tacking them on at the end.
My question is: How would you suggest trying to improve creative and descriptive writing skills?
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