Because I probably spent a little too much time working on my “rough draft”, I think it may be a little difficult for me find substantial revisions. However, I did receive helpful feedback from my peers. Caleb, for instance, found a few general grammar and layout edits to be made. He also suggested that I make my conclusion a bit stronger. I completely agree, it does end quite abruptly and doesn’t rehash any of the artifacts I had discussed within the body of the paper. Revisions to the conclusion will help to tie all the elements of my paper neatly together.
Claire, on the other hand, mentioned my lack of literary devices. A very valid point as well. I did not even consider the literary devices, which we had discussed in lecture while I was in the writing process. Therefore, I plan to spend some time going over the literary devices we learned about. I will then read over my paper to determine if there are any sentences that could benefit from the use of literary devices.
Although my paper ties in the writings of both Dewey and Freire, I feel I could easily tie in Cronon as well, which may make my paper more interesting. Because this is a relatively short paper; however, I fear that adding additional elements may make it seem cluttered and therefore difficult to read.
Lastly, I kind of threw the “works cited” page together. Therefore, I know I need to work on that to achieve the correct format.
Question:
Do you think it would be beneficial to add another theorist (Cronon) to my paper or do you feel it would, as I’m afraid of, cause it to become cluttered?
I think it would be a good idea! But you may want to choose the one fit into your overall argument. He has listed requirements of an educated person, which may be a nice start. The educational experience fall into a category or two. The stories could be demonstrating his value or devastating it.
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