Revision Plan

I received great editorial notes and I would like to focus on the following aspects:

1. Form

a. I tried to write about my feeling directly in the description part and reduced the details of the very object I was describing, to make it taste a bit like “stream of consciousness.” Nevertheless, I think it would help the reader if I either put an image of the artifact in discussion or add more written details to make it tangible.

b. I think it a good idea to experiment with more rhetoric devices on the list. It would be easier to convey emotion in that way.

2. Analysis

a. It would be much clearer if I incorporated educational theories after each event described in the draft rather than compressed them into a single page at the end.

b. I mentioned Cronon throughout the analysis but the events actually relate to Dewey and Freire as well. I would do a close reading of the last two and would extract some of their ideas to put in the paper.

3. Artifact Structure

a. I need to put in more artifacts but not just limited to the text. I started by describing a map and the highlighted locations of this map linked to so many events described in the paper. Nonetheless, it seemed that the correlation between the aforementioned were not clear to my reader.

b. The paper I included in the essay was meant to demonstrate my change of perspective after talking to Professor Badino. However, I didn’t provide enough background information to the reader so it looked like a plain text analysis. I should specify this in revision.