In my paper, I need to reword a few sentences that create unnecessary confusion for my readers. I have the tendency to write long, wordy sentences. As such, I need to figure out a way to split up my sentences in order to create a more concise representation of my thoughts. Aside from this, I have to add another educational theory to my paper, as I only have Freire's perspective in my rough draft. I'm not sure where I'm going to add this theory to my paper, but it'll probably end up flowing into Freire's perspective. Some of the comments on my rough draft indicated that I became overly descriptive in sections of my rough draft, so I'll have to look at that section of the paper and discard unnecessary fluff. It didn't appear that there were too many contextual issues (aside from the missing educational theory) so I should be able to revise what's already been written as a starting point.
Also, I hope to make my conclusion more influential in its argument against my discussed topic. As of now, my conclusion serves to argue a point that I do not find convincing as I read it, again. Some of the things that I could change include: the length and sentence structure, which is lengthy as well. Putting all of this together with the other body paragraphs of my paper, it should lead to a convincing argument that tells an enjoyable narrative too.
Question:
In writing about our own prior educational experience, aren't we just reflecting a perspective that has been warped by education itself?
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